What I would actually say to a friend who is grieving would depend on so many incalculable and utterly particular circumstances. But these words outline something of what I have tried, in different ways, to express before and what I would hope in the future to communicate to someone going through this pain.
"I'm so sorry for your loss.
"What you're going through right now is beyond anything I can imagine. Still I want to be with you, somehow, in your sorrow.
"I don't know how I can help. I wish I could explain the ways of God, but years and years of studying theology have taught me mostly that I do not understand God, but still I must stay and trust in Him. Grief is a long road. I just want to reach out to you and be a brother in the Lord.
"I believe with all my heart in the mystery of God's love in Jesus Christ. All of us are inside this mystery, and while we journey together we try to bear one another's burdens—even when we can't do or say much, we try, and I believe His love is somehow even in that 'trying.'
"That is my hope as I offer my heart to help, however I can, or else just to stand with you in your suffering, to stay together in Jesus."
